I was starting to get excited about you. I had been thinking about you for over eight months now but I have been scared to even think about bringing you to life. There are so many risks, after all, at our age. When I think back about how I envisioned parenthood, this is not what…
Category: Emotions
Just Breathe
I didn’t want her when I conceived her. She was an inconvenience when those two lines appeared. How could this be happening? Now? Why couldn’t she have come just months before? Before my entire path in life was falling into place? Before my dreams had finally come true? I was being childish. I was being…
Candlelight Vigil to Remember Babies
On October 15th, 2014 at 7pm, families gathered for a Candlelight Vigil and Remembrance at Rock A My Baby Family Enrichment Center in Castle Rock, CO to remember and honor babies who were lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and other reasons. The event was hosted by Dragonflies For Ruby in coordination with Rock A My…
Infertility to Fertility – The Loss of a Possibility
I hate the term “Loss of a Possibility” but what has been happening to my body lately has certainly brought this about. In a previous post, The Silent Battle of Infertility and Miscarriage, I wrote, “I know what it’s like to suffer with infertility. To try so hard to have a baby yet every time…
First Trimester Miscarriage Confirmed
Four years ago today, we saw our baby no longer had a heartbeat. Wednesday, April 14, 2010 Well, my feelings have been confirmed. You have passed away inside me. It’s really weird knowing that your body is still there but you are no longer alive. I don’t know what I can give to you. I…
Acceptance
So, what does this picture of the name Timmy on the door to his room have to do with acceptance? I realized several weeks ago that my house is virtually empty of anything representing Timmy. Why? Am I too busy? Is this second child syndrome? Am I afraid? I don’t know. What I DO know…
The Innocence is Lost
I was sharing some pictures with my husband tonight from my Stillbirthday Bereavement Doula Training. We have a group on Facebook that is comprised of many of the doulas-in-training for this particular semester. It is a wonderful group of women and I am so proud to be a part of such an amazing and transpiring group. The…
Tears of my Heart
It was so surreal tonight. The Goosebumps and chills I got from the exercise we did together were amazing and welcomed. It was the ultimate bonding experience…at least for me. Tonight, I played the same music I listened to while I was relaxing in the bathtub while pregnant with you. I wanted to see if…
It’s Christmas…
Today is Christmas Day, 2013. I love Christmas. It is my most favorite time of the year. We welcome the birth of Jesus and celebrate with our family and friends. I wasn’t intending on writing a blog today but while searching to purchase a certificate of life or some other print for someone who just…
Life or death in the NICU…Whose choice is it?
This is going to be a very controversial post. I won’t divulge too much information about where I heard this but this has been on my mind for a few weeks. While having a conversation with NICU personnel (not at my hospital), the discussion came up about how some parents prolong their sick child’s life….