I recently traveled to Denver to visit some friends and family. It’s only been six months since we moved but I miss them so much and I had to return to see them. While there, one of my friends brought up the talk I gave at Our Lady of Mount Carmel on miscarriage. The talk was followed by my pastor teaching about limbo. He was the most influential voice on the limbo chapter in my book. This always sparks debate and hurt. I wish it didn’t but women desperately want to know their babies are in heaven. They want to hold them and hug them again someday and it brings comfort that the loss they have here will be mended in heaven.
I understand that desire. I have lost three babies to miscarriage and for many years, I too believed many of the things I was told about miscarried babies: i.e. they become angels (not possible), they are saints (maybe), and had an overwhelming desire to see them again. It’s only natural but what has really been taught on this and why is it so hard to accept the teaching?
When I was chatting with my friend, she said women were asking about the Holy Innocents and related that if the Holy Innocents can go to heaven, so too can their babies. I listened to her share about why she believes miscarried babies go to heaven and my heart hurt for her. Women desperately want confirmation that unbaptized babies go to heaven. I too wanted that for my miscarried babies yet (please keep reading) it’s not what the church has taught (see below).
When she finished, my question to her was, “Why does it matter so much?” I wasn’t trying to be mean or invalidate what she was feeling but why must we have confirmation? I know it doesn’t make sense to think of miscarried babies as anywhere but heaven, but God’s plan doesn’t always make sense to our human minds. Why can’t we just be satisfied with God’s plan for us and our children?
My husband chimed in and explained that the Holy Innocents were martyred. He said that Baptism by Blood is church teaching, yet, these babies had not attained the age of reason and certainly couldn’t say, “I believe Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.” So how then, were they in heaven? According to a priest I spoke with, they were circumcised, which was the precursor to baptism. So it was not Baptism by Blood just yet, they were ready for heaven when they were murdered.
Why are we here?
We seek a relationship with our Creator (God). All of God’s creatures are ordered to Him so all seek to know God. We are never fulfilled completely on this earth because we are not WITH God. This is why so many relationships seem unfulfilling. We continue to desire a deep union though so we keep seeking it. But heaven is the ultimate goal we desire and we must desire Heaven because we desire to be with God. If we need our dogs or cats, our mother or best friend to be in Heaven “when we get there,” and the thought of them not being there to greet us causes pain and disturbance, then we are not desiring Heaven to be with God; we are desiring Heaven to be with something or someone else.
God wants us to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him, and to be happy with Him forever in heaven. We certainly can get to know Him with the creatures in our lives. Afterall, humans are made in the image and likeness of God so humans will obviously be a part of that pilgrimage journey to heaven. By loving and serving others, we may be happy with Him forever in Heaven but we still need to desire Heaven to be with God.
It’s similar to how children (even adult children) seek love and approval from their own parents. Even if their parents were not good parents or in their lives, there is an underlying desire to be in a good union with our earthly/biological parents. They were co-creators but not the ultimate Creator. If we seek the Creator, we will ultimately find Him but if we seek earthly creatures and relationships, that’s all we will find.
I’ll return now to the question of miscarried babies and where they go because they were not baptized. There are many arguments.
“But, I desired baptism for them so God will honor that, right?”
“I believe they are in Heaven.” God would never send an innocent baby to hell.”
“There is no way God would not allow these innocent babies not to be in Heaven.”
This would imply that aborted babies are also in heaven so what is the evil then?
What does Scripture and Tradition say? St. Augustine agreed with the common tradition; rather, what believers believed at the time about unbaptized infants, that there was an intermediate place (limbo) for unbaptized infants (St. Gregory of Nazianzus, Oration 40, No. 23). It wasn’t until the Pelagian heresy reared it’s ugly head that St. Augustine taught that the unbaptized infants “shared in the common positivity of the damned.” This belief was taught for centuries but the debate continued among councils and the fathers of the Church.
No one desires hell for their babies yet our faith teaches that we must be baptized (“born again of water and the Spirit” – John 3:5) in order to gain the beatific vision. The implication is that we are born with sin that needs to be cleansed. We are taught original sin is the basis and one of the very first lessons we are taught in catechism classes as children (Adam and Eve ate from the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil). Even David acknowledges that we are conceived and have sin in the womb.
“Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” – Psalm 51:5
The debate between the natural and supernatural punishments continued and continue to this day. What are the implications of Original Sin for those who die in the womb? There is no definitive answer. There is no revelation on this. The Magesterium has not published anything specific on this, in fact, in all their publications, they agree that limbo is a possibility but that God is not bound by His sacraments and can take anyone He chooses to heaven.
We know so little about God’s mercy and his justice. We do not understand His Plan for us (including our unbaptized babies). You are free to believe your baby is in heaven but that is not what was taught for millennia. I often ponder how my great-great-great-great grandmother felt about miscarried babies. That’s about as far back as I can think but humans have been on earth for much longer. How were they okay with the teaching that their unbaptized babies were in limbo? Did they question the teaching?
Limbo has been described as a state of natural happiness. Is that not what we desire for our children? You will want for nothing when you are happy with God forever in Heaven. You will not be longing for your children or anyone for that matter if you enter Heaven. All will be revealed to you and you will finally understand, even Limbo (if it truly exists). I know it hurts here on Earth. Continue to desire God. Ask Him to heal your wounds and ask Him to help you understand. Ask Him to possess you and offer yourself to Him and you will be healed. It may not happen the first time so just keep asking.
For now, desire God.