I was talking with a good friend recently about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have several passions; helping people (mostly women), writing, and spending time with my family. For 12 years, I was so focused on police work. I couldn’t wait to achieve that dream and work as a police officer. It was the epitome of helping people. I could help people in many different ways.
I used to blog on MySpace years ago about how being a doula and a police officer were similar. I loved being a doula. I was helping women through one of the most amazing moments in their lives. I loved it but I got burnt out. I was taking on too many clients and I really should have focused more on a smaller client load. Ah…lesson learned. But I wanted to be a police officer so once my son was old enough, I moved into that field and achieved my dream. Then…Ruby happened.
She certainly threw me into a perpetual spin of…now what? I slowly lost my desire to help people as a police officer. After nearly two years on the street, I hung up my badge and here I am…circling…what do I do now.
Knowing I won’t move forward with the company I am at now without my completed degree, I have returned to school and changed my major to something I will now enjoy. Psychology. I am more than halfway done and this will hopefully open some new doors for me.
So…I continue to circle. What do I do now? It’s difficult for me to just sit and wait for that next thing to appear. I have been told it might not appear dramatically and it could take some time before I understand and I might not ever know. Then there is the off chance that I KNOW what I should be doing and I am rejecting it for one reason or another. For instance, I know what my passions are, but they don’t make money right now and as much as I don’t really need to work…we are accustomed to a certain lifestyle right now I am not willing to give up.
So, what’s the verdict. I am still searching. Along the way, I hope to become closer to God through prayer and devotion and someday, I will be led back on the path to what I am meant to do. At least I know one thing…I am here to serve others. 🙂