It’s Mother’s Day. I spent the night dreaming about my baby and how this baby will be born. I kept imagining this baby in a saline jar all chopped up into pieces surrounded by thick, bright red blood. I imagined taking this baby to the funeral home and feeling judged about the baby being in…
Tag: first trimester miscarriage
Miscarriage Series – Day 2
I made breakfast, noting that I didn’t feel like continuing with my morning ritual of two glasses of water. Why would I drink two glasses straight away this morning? There is no one inside me who will benefit from this sustenance. I notice that my upper back hurts. “It’s probably my kidneys,” I think to…
Miscarriage Series – Day 1
My midwife turned to me and said, “I’m sorry Elizabeth, I no longer see a heartbeat.” We both knew what that meant. She was gentle and empathetic. It looked like this pained her too. That was comforting. I tried to comprehend what was taking place. There were no tears, not yet. Just questions and acceptance…
Miscarriage Series – The Beginning
My cycles are very long. I used to not have cycles at all but Timmy somehow made my PCOS disappear and I became fertile six months after his birth. It took me nearly a year to decide I wanted another baby. After all, I swore Timmy would be my last. In fact, I was so…
Miscarriage Series – Another Goodbye
As I lie on the couch, completely exhausted and numb from the days events, I feel stinging on the side of my face. The stinging runs down my face and onto my cheek. It hurts. It feels like my face is being burned deep into my skin. I reach across my face and wipe the tears…
The Blighted Ovum: Baby or Not?
I have been asked this question a few times. “When it comes to a blighted ovum, is it a baby or not? I was told I shouldn’t grieve the loss because it wasn’t really a baby, it had no soul.” This can be quite controversial but no matter what you believe, this loss is very…
Miscarriage Options
WARNING – GRAPHIC CONTENT – Miscarriage Options I am having a miscarriage, what are my options? Which one should I choose? This is one of the most common questions when someone is experiencing a miscarriage. I know that when I experienced my miscarriage, it was the first question that came to mind after the initial…
Just Breathe
I didn’t want her when I conceived her. She was an inconvenience when those two lines appeared. How could this be happening? Now? Why couldn’t she have come just months before? Before my entire path in life was falling into place? Before my dreams had finally come true? I was being childish. I was being…
First Trimester Miscarriage Confirmed
Four years ago today, we saw our baby no longer had a heartbeat. Wednesday, April 14, 2010 Well, my feelings have been confirmed. You have passed away inside me. It’s really weird knowing that your body is still there but you are no longer alive. I don’t know what I can give to you. I…
Baby D
I received a call today from a friend of mine who I haven’t spoken with since Timmy’s birth. I know…I know…must not be a good friend right? Well, we ARE good friends and we have a spiritual connection on so many levels. We rarely get to see each other and talk a few times a…