While on convalescent leave, I took some time to ponder the last few years of my life and how different my dreams have become compared to what I thought they would be. Have you ever thought to yourself…how did I get here? Have you ever wondered about the things you stated to God in order to “test” him or force something to happen? Is that even possible?
Well, years ago when I was struggling on my journey to becoming a police officer, I made a threat. I guess it was a threat to God. I don’t like looking at it that way, but I suppose that’s what you could call it. I was talking with Jason about all the mountains I had been climbing during that time. There were so many obstacles that I felt like were being put in my way so that I wouldn’t become a police officer.
Even though I could see all the obstacles and started to feel like it wasn’t in my path, I couldn’t handle not being a police officer. It was all I could see. It was the ONLY thing I knew and wanted to become. I don’t know why, I just felt this drive inside. I am sure it was to fill some sort of void but I did everything I could to become a police officer and I knew I would get there.
As I was having the conversation with Jason and feeling down about continuing my pursuit, I told him, “It’s going to take something big to stop me!” I had asked God for signs and told him to help me determine the path I was supposed to be on and for a good year, I felt like things were moving in the right direction and I was following the path God made for me.
Then all sorts of obstacles were beginning to pile up. Injuries, money woes, job issues, other job opportunities, etc. I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t make it as a police officer so that kept driving me further to become one. Each obstacle brought sadness and questioning but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. I never do.
When I made that comment to Jason, I basically said, “He is going to have to throw me for a huge loop in order to stop me from pursuing this dream.” There, that’s the threat. God…show me in the strongest way possible that becoming a police officer is in my path or get me off this path and reveal my new path!
It sounds silly now, but basically, I needed a slap in the face from God. Something that would show me one way or another that I am supposed to be a police officer. Then…years later, the loop happened. Her name was Ruby Josephine.
Ruby changed my life in so many ways. While the slap was hard, fast and painful, the revelation of my new path has been quite subtle. Probably because it is so confusing and there is so much to muddle through. I am still muddling. I would like to write full-time and continue to publish books but I am scared to take that leap. Plus, I like my job but it doesn’t allow me the opportunity to write. I am just too tired after work and all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother are there each and every night. Maybe now that the camping season is coming to a close, I can focus more on writing but I am also going to school.
Either way, I came to the realization a few days ago, that I made a threat with God and He revealed that my path was NOT being a police officer full-time. I did it part-time, had a great time, and really enjoyed living the dual life for two years but it’s time to move on.
My resignation is now official and I am so happy to be focusing on new aspects of my life. Even though I resigned in May, it has taken this long for everything to fall into place. Has anyone, who is out there reading this, been able to see such a revelation…in a similar way?