A few days ago, I learned that Tana Ramsay (wife of Gordon Ramsay) has suffered a miscarriage. As a perinatal loss specialist who serves families enduring pregnancy loss, my heart hurts for them. Watching how the media is treating them can be both heartwarming and horrific. Here, you can see Janet Street Porter displaying the horrific side.
“I was surprised he announced it so early on to be honest,” she told her fellow Loose Women, Ayda Field, Coleen Nolan and Andrea McLean.
“I remember thinking, hmm maybe Tana would have wanted to announce the news herself and waited a little longer because the pregnancy would have been quite unexpected.
Janet Street Porter, do you think that Tana was upset that Gordon announced their pregnancy? Do you think that he just took it upon himself to share without her permission. That’s highly unlikely. It’s obvious in the video that he is delighted and bursting to share the great news! Gordon Ramsay announced that Tana was expecting on May 12, 2016 on The Late Late Show. If she is now five months pregnant, this would mean that Tana was at least 12 weeks along.
She was past the first trimester. Past when society deems it okay to announce a pregnancy (which is B.S. by the way). She was considered in the “safe zone” of pregnancy. Pregnancy loss is much more rare at this stage. So I ask you, how long did you expect them to wait? Until they had a baby in their arms? Would it have been appropriate for them to announce then or should they have waited until he was in preschool…well past the time where he could die from SIDS. I mean, after all, if he had died from SIDS, you would be back on Loose Women saying, “I was surprised they told people he had been born.” Maybe it’s just too early to tell the world when a child is born?
When you make statements such as “I was surprised he announced it so early,” you are really placing blame on this family. You are saying that announcing “early” that this is somehow their fault, that somehow they were jinxed, that their age meant this would happen so they should have waited, or worse, serves them right for announcing so early. Let me tell you, there is no such thing as announcing a pregnancy early! There is just announcing a pregnancy.
Pregnant families make the decision to announce. They can announce the moment they discover they are pregnant or they can wait to announce but it’s their decision and statements like yours just further the stigma that women and families should wait. What should they wait for? Does it hurt you when a family endures pregnancy loss? I don’t think so. Families enduring pregnancy loss will still hurt, even if they announce “early.”
Please stop placing blame and shame on families who announce their pregnancy “early.”
Let’s review some statistics. At the time Tana Ramsay’s son died, she was five months pregnant. Do you know how common pregnancy loss is at five months? Between 1-5%! When they announced their pregnancy, the statistics were relatively the same. So Janet Street Porter, they didn’t announce “early” at all. They waited and were at no further risk of their son dying when they announced then when he actually died. He didn’t die “early.” He died in the second trimester!
Janet Street Porter, here’s what you should have said, “I want to extend my condolences to the Ramsay family for the loss of their son [fill in his name].” That’s it. No shaming, no blaming, just condolences. It’s not their fault. You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to say that they shouldn’t have announced the joy of a new addition to their family.
Right now, you should offer the family a meal, compassion, empathy, love, and support for all they are enduring, including their other children because this affects them too. Share that on Loose Women.