Today is the four anniversary of your due date. If you had been born alive, we would be celebrating your birthday today but you died and you are not here on earth with us. We were talking about you this morning. I was telling your daddy that I couldn’t believe we would have a four year old little girl running around. How amazing that would have been?
Your garden angel statue is still in the dining room. We have your garden partially complete. I know I will finish it in the spring but honestly, I kind of like having you there. It’s like you are always in our home. It’s like you are actually here. Timmy likes you too. He frequently taps you. He has just started kissing things and I imagine he will be kissing you soon.
We tell him about you, but he hasn’t said your name yet. I am buying a book that will help us tell him all about you. I can’t wait to read it to him but as I think about this, I begin to realize that I don’t think he would be here if you were here. The last few years I have tried to embrace your loss and all I have learned from it.
I am in such a new and different place since you have been gone. I really enjoy where I am and what I am doing and I have you to thank for that. I also believe that you brought us Timmy. We truly believe the Angel Kiss on his forehead is your mark on him. You are our little intercessor in Heaven and it’s very comforting to know that. I am beginning to imagine you much older now that a little baby.
I re-read our letter last month. It was comforting to hear those words. I am so happy that it was written.
Daddy still cries for you. I know he cries because of the work I do but he cries for you when we talk about you and at your memorial. Would you let him know that it’s okay and help him wipe his tears?
We love you Ruby for all that you are and all that you were. Thank you for watching over us and especially over Timmy. You are his guardian angel.
The Girl With Auburn Hair – Elizabeth Petrucelli
I saw you in a dream,
My girl with auburn hair.
Your eyes were blue,
You laughed so sweet,
As you looked at me.
On a warm summer day,
On the green grass.
The gentle wind blew your hair,
While you squinted your eyes.
Someday we’ll finally meet.
I still see you in my dreams…
– Breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage
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