Dear Doctor (Part 1),
I heard you say, “You haven’t had enough miscarriages yet,” to warrant the progesterone supplementation my body and baby needs. How much heartache must I endure to receive what we already know is lacking? Why must you make this issue so difficult and painful? All it takes is a push of a button to create the prescription but for some reason, you believe I need to lose more babies before I am worthy of supplementation. Why isn’t my baby worth it? We saw that baby. YOU saw that baby.
Together, we explored the ultrasound monitor, listening to the baby’s heartbeat and measuring the baby’s length. You provided me with a due date yet if you don’t provide me with the supplementation, my baby might not make it to their due date. Why are you foolishly letting me believe everything will be okay? You even said you couldn’t make any guarantees.
Thanks for sharing that too by the way…”no guarantees.” I am already aware that I am not guaranteed to take home this baby. I have already experienced that painful loss. What I don’t want is to experience another one because my body isn’t producing enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy.
This isn’t the first time you have denied my need for progesterone supplementation. Five years ago, you said, “there isn’t enough evidence to support the use of progesterone to prevent miscarriage.” Where are you getting that nonsense? It didn’t matter though, I jumped through hoops to get the supplementation anyway but it was too late. WAY TOO LATE and my baby died. Could your lack of support have contributed to her death. ABSOLUTELY. What does that make you? We’ll let God decide.
So let’s talk. Have you seen this research? Progesterone supplementation has been in use for at least 75 years! SEVENTY-FIVE!! There is plenty of research on this. If you take away the corpus luteum, which produces the progesterone, the baby will die. A baby with a heartbeat! A living human person! I am guessing you haven’t seen the research because you don’t act like you care about me or the survival of this baby.
I realize you probably don’t feel the way I do about this baby. Maybe you feel it’s natural selection or maybe you are judging me for my age or how many children I already have? Maybe you have some underlying reason as to why you don’t want to help this little person inside me? Whatever your reasoning, I want you to know that this is a person to me. This is my child. I feel the same way about this little person as I do about my children who are living outside my womb.
Would you treat my children (who are outside of my womb) in this same manner? If one of my sons needed a hormone, would you deny him that treatment? You absolutely would not, so why is this child any different? This child is relying solely on my body to receive what he/she needs and unfortunately, my body has failed time and time again to provide it reliably, without the help of medical technology and intervention. I have two beautiful boys to show for it.
So, while you refuse to return my calls and refuse to provide a supplement, I am desperately seeking care from someone who will provide it. Why I have to go outside my health insurance and network to provide something so basic is beyond me? Understand there is little risk involved and know that I am accepting that risk because I know the benefits outweigh those risks.
I don’t want to suffer through another loss because you won’t prescribe. It could happen anyway but I will know I did the best I could. I was the best mother to this baby that I could be. Are you going to be responsible for killing another one of my babies? I pray not.