Groggy, dizzy, and fatigued. That’s how I feel today. I thought I would feel better but I feel way worse. My heart rate is in the upper 30’s and 40’s. My blood pressure doesn’t register on the blood pressure monitor I have. That tells me it’s very low. I hope I don’t have to go to the hospital. I don’t want to be admitted. I am not sure what they would do anyway.

Hubby doesn’t want me to go either. He wants me to just stay home and rest. I understand that but I am scared to go to sleep. I am afraid I will die.

The surgery center called to check on me and the service I received yesterday. I gave them great reviews except for post-op where there was no privacy. None of the curtains were pulled and people who came in and out could see me. When it was time for me to get up and dressed, I had to hold my pad between my legs (they didn’t put underwear on me) and my butt and part of my thighs were showing as a young teenager and his parents were walking by. I hope they address that.

I told her how I was feeling and she told me I needed to call my doctor. I did. They want me to come in. They want to check my blood levels to make sure I have enough blood. I don’t think this is blood related. I am not white or pale. I don’t think I lost too much blood yesterday. The doc gave me Pitocin and Methergine to help prevent all that bleeding. I think it’s just the meds.

Not sure which ones because in the last few surgeries, I didn’t feel like this but I felt just as bad with my first D&C. I am not bleeding much either so that’s good. I am glad I don’t have to stare at blood all day. That horrible reminder of what I lost. I just want to feel “normal” in every way. Part of me wants to try again, the other part wants to cut losses and move forward.

I haven’t really cried today. I am wondering if I have already moved forward from this loss. To me, that seems very odd. It is probably just all the meds I am on. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Hubby doesn’t want to take tomorrow off and that is stressing me out. It’s so hard to know how I will feel tomorrow. It was Day 3 after the D&C last time where I was admitted to the hospital for such a low heart rate. I wish he would just take time off. It feels so weird having him go back so soon.

My beautiful, amazing, compassionate, midwife.

My beautiful & amazing midwife.

My midwife called to check up on me. She also thanked me for the plant we dropped off for her on our baby’s birth day. She said we didn’t have to do that. I know we didn’t but she has been so wonderful and I wanted her to know that. She also told me that she passed around my book to the nursing staff. She told me the book was very well written. I really hope that It’s Not Just a Heavy Period; The Miscarriage Handbook┬ámakes it into the hands of someone important who will order bulk copies. It’s such a great resource.

It’s time for bed now. I am so tired of laying down or sitting on the couch. I really hope I feel better tomorrow and feel like going places.