Elizabeth Petrucelli

Author, Blogger, Educator

Miscarriage Series – The Name

I have been thinking about what to name this child. This child must have a name. I felt Ruby was a girl from the beginning. We wanted that confirmed through testing but Kaiser messed all that up and discarded Ruby’s body like trash. It is imperative this doesn’t happen again. I want to follow this baby’s remains to and from the lab. I know that isn’t possible.

We have been praying daily that we get the results we desire before the naming ceremony. I especially want to confirm the sex of this baby just because I want to give this baby their proper name. I have names picked already and I will be really confused if this baby turns out to be a girl because the name Gus has been calling to me throughout the pregnancy.

There were at least three different times I can think of where this name called to me. I will definitely name this baby Gus if we learn he is a boy. He will be named after St. Augustus or St. Augustine. I prefer Augustus just because it sounds more masculine. I have no idea what his middle name will be.

The name Charlotte is what I have chosen for this baby if she is a girl. We will call her Charley after our friend Charles Owens who died in May 2008. I imagine him holding this baby for us in heaven. We are actually going to visit his grave in a few weeks which makes this a bit more surreal. I also do not know what her middle name will be.

SSGT Charles Owens (Chuck Eddie)

I know that naming a baby this early doesn’t make sense to some. I know many people that choose not to name their baby, even if they find out the sex. Some feel like it’s wasting a name. I don’t feel that way and I wish other people didn’t feel that way either. I mean, if this child was born at 36 weeks, would they not give them a name then either? I know this is a personal choice and it’s so hard to decide but with the name Gus, I just knew.

I wonder if other families have the name chosen this early or some names they would pick through and just decide not to use them? I know this is something I have been working on with loss families and I hope I can help them name realize they should name their baby. It actually brings so much comfort and we can talk about the baby in our daily lives so much easier.

I love being able to refer to Ruby as Ruby vs. the baby. Now that we have two losses, “the baby” wouldn’t make much sense. Which baby? Maybe people with multiple losses say, Baby #1 and Baby #2. I know when I host the candlelight vigil most of the babies have names but sometimes we get Baby #1 and Baby #2. It’s not often though.

Either way, this particular baby will be dignified with a name and we can’t wait to call him or her by the chosen name. What do you think about naming a baby born in the first trimester?

– Breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage

 

7 Comments

  1. I love the idea of naming your baby, no matter when they were born. As you know, I have had 3 losses and I hate referring to them as #1, #2, and #3.

  2. I had an ectopic pregnancy at 9 weeks.. Felt that it was a girl and the only name we ever discussed was Mariah James.. I’m just afraid when I see her in heaven, she might not actually be a SHE. Hopefully the understanding is there and that the name was only to express my love.

  3. ElizabethPetrucelli

    May 29, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    Thank you for sharing Heather. We did not receive confirmation that our first baby was a girl. I felt she was a girl so we named her Ruby. Today, hubby and I were joking that when we get to Heaven, he might be upset by the name Ruby. I feel the same way, “What if we get to Heaven and SHE is actually a HE?” I try to take comfort in knowing that God has named this child long before I ever did and that child will have a proper name, whether it’s mine, or one God has chosen. Hopefully, they are one in the same. Your child knows you love her. She will understand completely and you will get to hold Mariah and tell her all you ever wanted to. HUGS!

  4. ElizabethPetrucelli

    May 29, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    I know not everyone can name their baby. I know many struggle and some want to name them but the stigma of pregnancy loss changes their minds. I also know many that will never admit they named their baby yet will tell you the name they believed their child should have. Hopefully, we can break this silence on pregnancy loss and miscarriage and help families take these steps which can be so healing. I love speaking my child’s name. Since I know what it is now but it hasn’t been released yet, it’s so hard to not refer to this child’s name. Thank you for commenting! I am so happy to have your support!

  5. We put as much thought into naming our first baby that we lost as we did into naming our living children and I love his (?) name, Rowan Emerson and love that my kids (especially the oldest who felt the loss more deeply than the others) talk about Rowan and recognize him as a part of our family. Our second loss we never officially named, it was too much loss too soon, but I call her May, the month she (?) would have been born. I had a friend who lost a baby recently, at seven weeks along and I mentioned to her naming the baby and I could tell just the idea made her feel better and gave validation to the baby and her pregnancy and loss, but also that she would never have thought of doing that on her own. I read somewhere that no baby in heaven is offended by being called by a typically opposite gender name. These babies have only known love, in our womb and then in heaven…

  6. We named our son in my second trimester… I can’t think of any reason not to do it in the first if a mom or dad wish. I love referring to my son by his name. It makes his presence on earth, however short, seem more significant to me.

  7. Nora Alexandra Marie Feezle

    September 15, 2017 at 6:52 am

    I lost my son Russell that’s what I chose as his name on my own since the father unfortunately wasn’t as supportive as I wish, I thought about the fact we both love nature and our favorite seasons are fall and winter so I decided Russell as in the rustling of leaves in a tree or on the ground and your hear that weirdly satisfying crunch, during my grieving which was during Fall the only thing that made me feel better is riding my bike on the bike trail and looking up to the the sky covered in autumn leaves and some on the ground I would hear the rustling and I swear for just a second I heard a baby boys laughter, I rode for miles sobbing happy tears just hearing the rustling of the leaves, I finally told the father his name, he liked the name just not the reason I picked it, thought it was too Hippy but I’m a flower child in my soul so I couldn’t help naming him after mother nature ??? Russell never had a middle name, to be honest it took a year after the miscarriage to finally name him, my dear friend had a still birth and she said just because our babies are in heaven doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a name, and then she said how her mom and her talk about her baby on a daily basis like he’s in the room it really did change my grieving process..I started getting better and even rode again which as an avid rider it’s like oxygen and I couldn’t breath for a long time. I will never forget my son I won’t let myself, but that’s what I also said about my late cat Diamond…this cat was the closest thing I had to a sister..and she was my everything. When she got sick though I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t be by her side as she died..it was like every hard breath she took I could feel another crack in my heart..my mom pet her and and to this day that is my biggest regret since she was the first thing I ever loved on my own I got her when I was five and she was only 6 weeks I had her till she was 15 and I was at least 15, two years ago after I lost Russell, a family friend told me she’s desperately looking for homes for her daughters cats kittens she wasn’t aloud to keep them and the family friends husband fount out he was allergic now she knew I had a dad who hated cats, but she still showed me the pictures, then I thought to make conversation she asked me which one is my favorite I picked out what I thought to be a fluff ball tabby…two days later when she came over with a box with a kitten inside there stood a tiny tuxedo fluff I guess the lighting was bad when I looked I looked because she showed me the same picture and that was him…yeah I got a little boy kitten 6 weeks old right after I lost my little boy this kitten and me became inseparable to this day he’s the clingiest cat you will ever meet, and in my eyes he’s my furry son and on my heart I know he saved my life still today he is my therapy cat..and I love him more than anything else…but I forgot Diamond..this morning is the first time I thought about her in at least 6 months..I didn’t mean to.,.but I still did.,.It made me realize ..if I have a boy in the future…will I forget Russell will I forget how from the day I found out he was coming I literally jumped on a bike after finding out and rode out of joy, to the grieving process of losing him only 3 days later and finding out I was two months pregnant with him when I did the emotions the love the songs I wrote for him it would break my heart if I would…so if I do in the future I want the babies middle name to be Russell in honor of his older brother, so I never can forget because every time I say his full name or write it I’ll remember the leaves and my child is this wrong I know so many people are against using the miscarriage child’s name as a first name but how does everyone feel about using it as a middle name? I never want to feel the way I did this morning realizing though not on purpose I replaced and forgot Diamond , and I believe this way that will never happen …thank you ever so much for listening and any advice is helpful I just really need an opinion other than my own to decide I truly would appreciate it.?

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