Tag: pregnancy after miscarriage

It must be because I am no longer working and have more time to chat on my forums but today, I ran across a post from a worried expectant mother and she now has me worried. Ugh! I seriously shouldn’t worry about this as there is nothing I can do. This goes back to an ultrasound I had around 19 weeks.

The perinatologist found a fluid pocket on my baby’s brain. She assured me it was normal and even went so-far-as to tell me that if it wasn’t there, they would be concerned. She didn’t label it as any “soft marker” or anything abnormal. I was referred to go back in 4 weeks because we were unable to see a bunch of the baby’s parts because of positioning. On that ultrasound, the fluid was still there (may have been slightly smaller) and again, the perinatologist (a different one AND his student doc) did not show any abnormal findings. His report stated baby was “normal.”

So, this girl posts today that her baby girl was diagnosed with a “choroid plexus cyst.” I wanted to look it up in hopes to find something positive in order to help her. While much of the information was positive, I noticed the pictures of this cyst look just like the fluid pocket in my baby’s brain. No one ever stated that the pocket was a choroid plexus cyst. So, naturally, I am worried, even though most of the information was positive. Well…positive in that if I was under 35, this would probably mean nothing.

But…there is no information out there that discusses this finding in a mother who is over 35. All the research states that “in the absence of other soft markers, a choroid plexus cyst alone does not signify a genetic abnormality.” Plus, much of the information is confusing. Some say the cyst means Trisomy 18, others say the cyst means Trisomy 21. Both of which are very different. What I know of Trisomy 18 is that most babies don’t survive in-utero and are stillborn or are miscarried. Survival at birth is rare and a baby with Trisomy 18 doesn’t live very long.

Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) has a survival rate and while a diagnosis of Trisomy 21 could be worse, it’s not something anyone is prepared to hear or face. While my baby hasn’t been diagnosed as anything but “normal,” I am still worried. I didn’t do any of the genetic testing (all the numbers would be higher anyway since I am older) and I didn’t want an amniocentisis. I could still have some testing done but I only have about 7 weeks left so why worry for 7 weeks? Ugh!

I just need to leave this in God’s hands which is so hard for me sometimes. I did my best to reassure this mom that the likelihood that her baby is normal is very high but I can’t seem to reassure myself. Plus, why didn’t my perinatologist mention that this was a Choroid Plexus Cyst? Why did my doctor state this was normal when only 1% of baby’s have this cyst? Is my baby normal? Bottomline…pregnancy after miscarriage is full of worry. I don’t want to say that pregnancy after miscarriage sucks, but man…it’s hard not to say it when all you do is worry about every sign, symptom (even lack of symptom), scan, test, etc. 🙁

I never thought I would be in this position. I am now over 16 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. Its exciting and scary to say the least. I think I have gotten through the hard part though. I also haven’t blogged since we made the announcement so I will back up for you a bit and talk about all that has happened.

The first trimester started out very easy. No bleeding and it was like I wasn’t even pregnant. Then 7 weeks hit and I began to experience extreme nausea. They kept saying that it was such a great sign. They said that meant my pregnancy was a healthy one. I never experienced this before. My son’s pregnancy was a piece of cake so this was completely new territory to me.

Within 2 weeks I could no longer take it. I wasn’t eating much, if anything at all and I was feeling so horrible. I hadn’t vomited but the pain in my stomach and nausea was getting to be unbearable. I messaged my doctor one night asking for some anit-nausea meds but by morning, I was too sick. I went to work but had to leave early. When I got home, I went straight to bed. It was Halloween and I felt horrible because this is one of Joey’s favorite holidays. I had hoped within a few hours I would wake up and feel better but instead I was worse.

I texted hubby in the middle of trick-or-treating with Joey and told him I needed to go to urgent care. On the way out the door, some neighbors saw we were leaving and offered to take Joey for the night. They were our angels. We had no idea how long we would be gone. At urgent care, I got some good meds for the nausea but there was pain in my stomach that would not go away. They gave me meds for that but no relief. I had a fever too so they sent us to the hospital.

Nothing changed at the hospital. More of the same meds and then they sent me home. At follow-up the next day, my OB sent me for an abdominal ultrasound which showed an issue with my gall bladder and liver. Ugh! I was put on a diet of plain bread, rice, pasta, chicken. That’s it. How boring and not good for a growing baby. Eating this way didn’t bring much relief. I still wasn’t hungry. After a week or so, I began to feel a bit better and the pain in my stomach was subsiding. I resumed eating what I felt like, when I felt like it. I was always nauseated, it didn’t matter what I ate.

By week 12 I was beginning to get nervous. We were to have Thanksgiving dinner and I really wanted to eat what my mom had cooked. I managed to eat tiny bits of each dish and didn’t feel sick. I also woke up to bright red blood in my underwear. I tried not to freak out as I had no bleeding or spotting at all throughout the pregnancy so far. I called the doc, but it was Thanksgiving and I was in another state. Rest, drink water, and keep an eye on it. Luckily, it subsided by the afternoon. I assumed it came from all the traveling.

By week 13, my nausea was almost completely gone and I began to feel hungry all the time. It was nice to finally be eating but then I would over eat and feel sick. I had to manage my tummy and realize that it was much smaller from the lack of food over the last 3 months.

It’s been 3 weeks and things are going much better. I have had a few bouts of spotting which we discovered was related to vaginal exams at my OB’s office. I advised them there would be no more exams until I was pushing the baby out!

I have seen my baby 5 times and the baby is growing perfectly. I bought a doppler so I could listen any time I wanted. It’s been a great reassurance. I was able to find the baby at around 12 weeks but it always took a while to find the heartbeat. Now it’s simple to find the baby. I go in for another ultrasound in a few weeks. This is the big one. We could find out the sex, but we don’t want to. I guess we shall see what happens.

We have had virtually no testing, no genetic testing, and no other scans to look at the baby other than measuring for growth. It’s a little nerve-wracking but I knew my tests would come back skewed because I am older and I didn’t want to be the woman stuck with a false positive freaking out the entire pregnancy. Been there, done that. No thank you! So, we are living on faith that everything is fine with the baby.

I feel the baby move every day now. It’s the neatest feeling. I remember it with Joey but not ever feeling it this early. I feel the little flutters and rolls. It’s also reassuring that everything is ok.

I have had no desire to blog or journal about this pregnancy which has me worried. I know it’s probably my bodies way of protecting itself from the pain of another loss. I am definitely not as attached to this baby as the last two but feeling the baby move helps tremendously. It’s like the baby is saying, “Hey, still here mom!” I love it. I am trying hard to talk to the baby as well. I want this baby, but I am still scared. I signed up for prenatal yoga so that will also help and I get regular massages that help me relax and focus on me. I am definitely providing more self-care with this pregnancy.

Well, that’s the update. As soon as we get our scans from the 18 week ultrasound, I’ll post the pictures. The only picture I have is of a tiny baby that looks like a peanut from my 12 week scan. The next scan will look really baby-like. I can say that baby has nice arms and legs and I saw brain in the 2 hemispheres during the last ultrasound. I pray every day for this pregnancy to continue.