It’s Mother’s Day. I spent the night dreaming about my baby and how this baby will be born. I kept imagining this baby in a saline jar all chopped up into pieces surrounded by thick, bright red blood. I imagined taking this baby to the funeral home and feeling judged about the baby being in…
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Miscarriage Series – Day 3
I wake very early on this Saturday morning. My husband is working today and his retreat from the bed wakes me. I feel I cannot sleep there without him. I toss and turn a few times to no avail. I see flashes of light coming through our bedroom windows followed by the sweet rumbling of…
Miscarriage Series – Day 2
I made breakfast, noting that I didn’t feel like continuing with my morning ritual of two glasses of water. Why would I drink two glasses straight away this morning? There is no one inside me who will benefit from this sustenance. I notice that my upper back hurts. “It’s probably my kidneys,” I think to…
Miscarriage Series – Day 1
My midwife turned to me and said, “I’m sorry Elizabeth, I no longer see a heartbeat.” We both knew what that meant. She was gentle and empathetic. It looked like this pained her too. That was comforting. I tried to comprehend what was taking place. There were no tears, not yet. Just questions and acceptance…
Miscarriage Series – The Beginning
My cycles are very long. I used to not have cycles at all but Timmy somehow made my PCOS disappear and I became fertile six months after his birth. It took me nearly a year to decide I wanted another baby. After all, I swore Timmy would be my last. In fact, I was so…
Miscarriage Series – Another Goodbye
As I lie on the couch, completely exhausted and numb from the days events, I feel stinging on the side of my face. The stinging runs down my face and onto my cheek. It hurts. It feels like my face is being burned deep into my skin. I reach across my face and wipe the tears…
Dear Kaiser Permanente: You are Contributing to our Healthcare Crisis
It’s 4pm on Wednesday afternoon, May 6th. My 23 month old is restless in my arms as he awakes from a nap. We both fell asleep in his rocking chair that rainy afternoon. Sleeping with him is a rare treat. We both stretch and make our way down the hall to greet big brother who had…
Helping Someone Through Preg-nancy Loss
Do you know someone who is going through a pregnancy loss? 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage and 1 in 160 babies die from stillbirth. This is a very common occurrence during a woman’s childbearing years with very little discussion. You will likely have a friend or family member who will suffer such…
Progesterone Supplementation – Part Two
This is a 2 part post. Visit Part 1 to learn more. After a long hard fight with my insurance company, I was finally prescribed progesterone supplementation. I rushed downtown to pick up the prescription. It is only compounded by the one pharmacy and it was definitely out of my way. They offered to have…
Police Brutality?
Let’s change gears here for a moment. As many of you know, I have a background in law enforcement and security. I spent many years studying criminal justice and served as a reserve police officer for several years. I was responsible for a hospital security program for over three years and worked as a security officer…