I went to Lowe’s to pick up a small shrub to place in front of the phone box that will be near Ruby’s garden today. I searched through the “left-over’s” since it is no longer really planting season and couldn’t find much of anything that I liked. I remembered the night before at my mother-in-law’s…
Category: grief
First Trimester Miscarriage Confirmed
Four years ago today, we saw our baby no longer had a heartbeat. Wednesday, April 14, 2010 Well, my feelings have been confirmed. You have passed away inside me. It’s really weird knowing that your body is still there but you are no longer alive. I don’t know what I can give to you. I…
Acceptance
So, what does this picture of the name Timmy on the door to his room have to do with acceptance? I realized several weeks ago that my house is virtually empty of anything representing Timmy. Why? Am I too busy? Is this second child syndrome? Am I afraid? I don’t know. What I DO know…
The annual Walk to Remember
On September 28, 2013, we attended the annual Walk to Remember. This has become our annual memorial remembrance for Ruby Josephine. I dreaded the early morning wake up and rush out the door but I really wanted to attend. There was a moment where I felt like backing out but I am so glad we…
When to seek therapy for thoughts on my rainbow baby?
Well, I did nothing today for my bereavement journey and I broke down and cried when putting Timmy down for the night. Hormones? Long day? Being tired because I got such little sleep last night? I don’t know but maybe it’s time to talk with my therapist again. At the very least, I would like…
Stillbirth
This morning I received a notification about a stillbirth. I am always so saddened by these notifications and I know there are many stillbirths throughout the day but for some reason this morning, I received this one and read about it and watched the video created by the doula that attended to this family. For the…
Aurora Shooting Update
Just Pray Song by Moriah Peters and Rhett Walker It’s been three weeks since the Aurora Shooting. Life is slowly getting back to “normal” for me. It took me one week of extreme grieving and a meeting at the memorial site to view the theater to help me through this. I still have much to…
Aurora Shooting Mimics Miscarriage Grief
Day 6 after the Aurora shooting. So, I have been literally too exhausted to journal. That’s not like me at all but everything from this shooting is draining me and as I said before, I am not related to a victim. The shooting has taken so much out of me and most days, it’s too…
Aurora Shooting Day Three
It’s so difficult to watch everyone else go on their family weekends, go hiking, walking, running, just plain having fun, etc while I spent the entire weekend in bed, sleeping for well over 30 hours, pushing my son away on my brother-in-law’s family because I have absolutely no energy, all the while feeling guilty for…
A Walk With God
REPUBLISHED: From All That is Seen and Unseen Website. I don’t really consider myself a very religious person. I am strong in my Catholic faith, but definitely not one who can quote from the Bible or lead a prayer; however, today, God has once again revealed to me why I am here. Today, I walked…