When I was searching for a way to announce the death of our baby, I searched the internet far and wide. There was nothing that seemed appropriate for announcing a miscarriage. I wanted something similar to a baby announcement because I wanted it more formal than the text message I sent the day we lost Ruby but who created a miscarriage announcement?
After leaving the doctor’s appointment, I sent this text to our family, “It’s over. Our baby died.” I knew I needed more. It was as if putting this in writing and sending it to people validated her existence. But alas, as I searched, the internet returned nothing. I knew at that point, I would have to start from scratch.
I began searching for a miscarriage quote. I wanted something quaint to place on the announcement along with the pregnancy dates. I searched obituaries of stillbirths as well as companies that made headstones for children and babies but nothings really seemed right. Many of the quotes talked about how the baby was here for a short time, or that the parents got to hold their baby but I didn’t get any of those things.
There didn’t seem to be a single quote out there except maybe, ‘An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth.”‘ – Author Unknown. I didn’t really feel she had a “birth” so I also didn’t think this was appropriate.
When I found the quote, “No farewell words were spoken. No time to say goodbye. You were gone before we knew it. And only God knows why,” seemed perfect. Nothing WAS said and there was certainly no time to really say goodbye. She was definitely gone before we “knew” it and I am certain only God knows why.
Since I had created birthday cards and announcements before on my computer, I knew this was something I could create on my own. I searched the standard websites like Shutterfly, Wal-Mart.com, and Target.com for announcement designs but not much was appropriate. I found an announcement where I felt the colors were what we would have chosen for her nursery and decided to use those colors on the announcement.
Then I created a dragonfly with circles and ovals in Adobe Photoshop Elements and began my work. Most announcements have pictures on them. While I had her ultrasound photos, the only ones I had were of her dead and I didn’t really feel that was appropriate for the announcement. Plus, she looked like a blob (because she was dead). I know that if I had been farther along and we had a profile picture or something that looked like a baby, I would have placed her ultrasound photo on the miscarriage death announcement.
I needed to find a photo though so I began searching. After hours of looking for a photo, I found a sketch of a baby looking down and away. The baby’s eye lashes stood out and you couldn’t tell if the baby was a boy or a girl. The baby looked as it if was a whisper in the wind. I attempted to contact the sketch artist but couldn’t reach them. I took the chance and put it on the announcement anyway.
With a quote, picture, dragonfly, and Cross in mind, I began placing these items on the announcement. I wasn’t quite sure how to list her life and death so I placed, “Conceived through love March 1, 2010,” and “Became and Angel April 16, 2010,” for her dates.
We officially announced her name on the announcement. Prior to that, no one knew the names we had been contemplating. Once we decided to name her though, there was no question that Ruby was her name and that we would never use this name for another child.
After all was said and done, I created this miscarriage announcement:
I was very satisfied with this.
And then there is this post from thenervousbreakdown.com.
While the response we received wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for, I was very happy I mailed these to my closest friends and family. I am sure most people just threw it in the trash but we needed this. We needed to show the world that we lost a child. We lost our baby. The baby we had been hoping and dreaming for, for years. She may have only been alive in my womb, but she WAS alive.
Her time here was short but I loved her. We loved her! We still do and we miss her. It’s hard to believe we would have a 4yr old and a 1yr old in addition to Joey right now if she was still with us. For now, her memory and her garden are all we have. We love you and miss you Saint Ruby Josephine!
– Breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage
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