I received a call today from a friend of mine who I haven’t spoken with since Timmy’s birth. I know…I know…must not be a good friend right? Well, we ARE good friends and we have a spiritual connection on so many levels. We rarely get to see each other and talk a few times a year but we love each other and it’s all good.

This call though, was a sad call. She had sent me a message on Facebook asking that I call her when I woke up. She couldn’t sleep. She had lost a baby in October and is still struggling. My heart ached for her. I never expected her to have more children but that didn’t matter. She had a miscarriage, around 11 weeks (the first trimester), and she was hurting.

I called her once I got up and could hear the pain in her voice as we talked. It seemed she wanted to “catch up” first so we had some idle chat but before the silence could hit, I asked her. “Tell me your story.”

She jumped in, “Well…blah, blah, blah…” Basically, she began by telling me about the wonderful man she is with right now and they unexpectedly got pregnant but right as they were entering the 2nd trimester, she woke up in blood and knew she lost the baby. She said she went to the doctor to confirm that everything had passed and then she moved on to other parts of her story, which were completely unrelated to her loss.

After I listened for a short-while, I returned to the loss. However, why did she brush over the loss? She knew I had one and should have felt comfortable talking about it yet as most mothers who had an early loss, she found herself brushing over the topic. I accepted it but needed to get her to open up about her loss. Her baby mattered and she knew the baby did.

“Did you have a feeling if the baby was a boy or a girl?” I asked. She began to cry. “Yes,” she said. ” A boy.” Did you choose a name for your baby boy, “Yes,” she replied. “We named him  ______ (Baby D to preserve confidentiality). She was crying heavily now. She hurt.

I know it hurts,” I replied. She told me she knew I knew. I encouraged her to journal. She thought it would be too hard. “It will be hard,” I shared with her. “He had a life and we want to document that life just like any other life.”

Her story was compounded with the fact that she is again…pregnant. Unexpectedly with a small complication that puts her baby at risk. She has some tough decisions ahead of her but she wanted some peace. “I am so anxious,” she said.

Then I told her what she already knew but didn’t want to hear (I am certain). “I don’t want this to scare you but the anxiety usually doesn’t get better with the passing milestones,” I stated. “You know what it is like to lose something so precious and it will always weigh on your mind. The innocence is lost.” “Yes it is,” she replied.

I wanted to hold her but distance separated us. She is just beginning her loss journey and in addition she is now beginning her pregnancy after a loss journey. I encouraged her to be a guest blogger here and share her story. I really hope she does because I would love to be a part of that imprint of her baby.

We talked more about her boy that died and the baby she is expecting and how to be sure she passes on good, loving energy to this new life inside her. She was scared that the grief from her lost boy would be bad energy for the baby. I get that, I really do. I just experienced it but hindsight is amazing. The advice I gave was, “Your baby already knows your grieving. Share that grief but let the baby know that this grief isn’t about them. Send positive vibes about the new life and recognize the vibes from your grief. The baby will understand and know the difference.”

It is so hard but I am here to help you walk this journey. Baby D, you were loved from the first moment.

We all need to share our stories, especially of those babies we have miscarried in the first trimester. We cannot pass over their stories like they don’t matter. Your baby has imprinted on your heart, why not share that imprint with the rest of the world? If you would like to share your baby’s imprint, no matter what trimester, please contact me. We will post your story here as a guest blogger and share your baby’s life with the world!

– Breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage