After a pregnancy loss, it’s almost impossible to ignore the pregnancy announcements. We usually have many pregnant friends or friends having babies and we see their birth announcements, first smile, videos of when they first roll over, etc. Many of us who love hearing about their pregnancies despite how hard it might be. I remember this…
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Miscarriage Series – Final Thoughts
Looking back, I wonder if this pregnancy was doomed from the beginning. Nearly every step of the way there was an obstacle. I learned I was pregnant on a Friday morning. I was only about 10 or 11 days past ovulation but I was excited to test. I didn’t feel pregnant at all but who…
Dear Doctor: What I Wish You Knew About My Miscarriage
Dear Doctor, You just gave me the worst news ever. Let me tell you what I wish you knew about my miscarriage. My miscarriage may be a medical event but please do not treat it as merely a medical event. My miscarriage is much more than that to me. My miscarriage is shocking, even if…
The Bereavement Wars
Bereavement Wars? What are they? This is going to be controversial and I imagine there will be backlash but this needs to be said. This isn’t something new. I have talked about it before and have been experiencing issues off and on since I came into the bereavement field. I don’t know why we have…
Miscarriage Series – The Banishment
WOW! I can’t even believe I am writing this post. It seems so surreal. During some of deepest, darkest days following the loss of Gus, I was banished from a group. Let me provide a bit of background before diving in. I began my bereavement support journey after suffering a miscarriage in 2010. I have published…
Bereaved Parents Awareness Month
Did you know that the month of July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month? I didn’t. So let’s talk about what this means and what bereaved parents hope will happen. Believe that our loss is real no matter how young our child was. Extend your love as we learn to move forward. Recognize that we all…
Loss Mothers Come in All Shapes and Sizes
This is a loss mother. Can you believe it? This tiny hummingbird is a loss mother. She herself, is about the size of a 12-week fetus (aka baby). The egg which contained her baby, was the size of a kidney bean or an 8-week embryo (aka baby). Here she is, sitting on her nest. The…
When the Bereavement Doula Needs a Bereavement Doula
What is it like when a bereavement doula needs a bereavement doula? The night before my scheduled ultrasound, I began to panic. Over the last few days, I had become overly concerned with going to this appointment alone. All of my other appointments, up until then, I had the support of my husband and children with…
Miscarriage Series – The Reason
“Everything happens for a reason.” “God saved you from an unhealthy baby.” “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.” “You wouldn’t want a child with a disability.” These are all “excuses” we were given recently regarding why this miscarriage happened. It’s sad really. While I generally take the side of “there is a reason for everything,” it’s…
Miscarriage Series – 2 weeks
It’s been two weeks since we found out you were gone. Two weeks since that fateful day in the ultrasound room. I almost can’t believe how fast the time has gone by. It even seems as if some family and friends think I should be done grieving at this point. So few still check on…