I specialize in pregnancy loss. I have been working with women for six years now, in differing capacities as a perinatal loss specialist and bereavement doula. In my childbirth education classes, we review fetal kick counts, fetal movements, and I share that it’s a myth that babies “run out of room” the farther along in…
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The D&E for Miscarriage
When a baby dies in the second trimester of pregnancy, their death is either a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Stillbirth in the U.S. is defined as when a baby dies after 20 weeks gestation. A death before 20 weeks gestation is called a miscarriage. A second trimester miscarriage is a miscarriage between 12 completed weeks…
Pregnancy After Loss – Bargaining
When you pee on that stick and see the positive, you are elated…usually. Even in pregnancy after loss, there are moments of excitement which appear immediately upon seeing the positive test but it isn’t usually long until the worry and anxiety sets in. It’s almost as if entering pregnancy after loss means restarting the stages…
How Far Along Are You?
When a woman discovers she is pregnant, the inevitable question is immediately asked. How far along are you? I will say that we had known for weeks before we shared with a few select people and waited even longer to share with the rest of our close friends and family. Some, were kept in the…
On Birth and Death – A Doula’s Journey
I enter the small hospital room, adorned with white walls and white boards where his name is scribbled in black writing. Beneath his name is his care plan, followed by contact information for his family. Above the board is an old box TV, hanging from the wall. Fox News is on TV, one of the…
What Does it Mean to Bring a Baby “Earthside” and Why it’s Offensive
It’s a term I have heard over and over. In fact, I have used the term in the past but now, I can no longer use the term. It’s offensive! It makes my stomach turn each time I hear it and it’s now considered a trigger. Earthside…or as most often used: “Bringing Baby Earthside.” A…
Dear Self Magazine: Change on Miscarriage Starts With You
Self Magazine published an article on August 5, 2016 entitled When You’re Having a Miscarriage but Have to Work Anyway, by Zahra Barnes. This article helps bring to light many of the pressing issues women who miscarry face such has social stigmas and having to work through a miscarriage. Many women don’t realize that miscarriage…
BL and AL – Do you use these terms?
BL and AL. What do these letters mean? What are their significance? I was going through my Facebook “Memories” today and noticed I was using these terms. I know I haven’t shared what they mean yet but I know many of you will know what they mean. As I scrolled through the memories for today, I…
The Dark Side
It’s hard to believe that there is actually a dark side to pregnancy loss organizations. At least some of them and to know that a dark side exists, damages trust. At a time when families need love and support the most, some are being turned away and they don’t even know it. It’s almost similar…
Comparing Loss Serves No One
“Comparing Loss Serves No One” was originally published on December 2, 2015 at Doula Spot. Recently in a group, bereaved mothers were comparing the pain they experienced based on the age of their baby. One woman shared she had miscarriages so her pain could not be nearly as painful as a friend who had lost…