I was having a conversation over texts with my doula. It was about how I haven’t had this baby yet. Currently, I am 39 weeks and have never been pregnant this long before. How weird considering I haven’t made it to my due date yet. People at work are beginning to wonder. LOL. Anyway, the conversation was about the “labor block.”

What is a “labor block?”  A labor block basically delays the onset of labor due to some fear OR stalls a labor that has already begun due to some fear. The fear can be over anything. For me, this relates to my miscarriage…at least I think so. Many women can experience a labor block. I have seen it happen numerous times over fears they have. One woman completely stalled her labor because she had an abortion over 10 years ago and felt she didn’t deserve this baby. She was 5cm and in the throws of labor yet on her mind was a baby she aborted over 10 years ago. It was almost impossible to get her out of this fear so she could continue with her labor but with processing things, she was able to move on and had a healthy baby.

Personally, I am not feeling like I don’t deserve this baby. I am still waiting for that “inevitable ball” to drop. You know, “we’re sorry, something happened.” I also fear there is something wrong with this little one. It’s a fear…based on nothing except the pain and devastation I experienced years ago with an early miscarriage. I can’t believe I am this far along and still fear that something is going to happen. It can and does but it is very rare.

I feel him move all the time…not constantly but many times throughout the day. As I write this, he is moving around, kicking the top of my uterus, shaking, etc. It’s such a relief to feel it because I know he is still with me but there is still a little bit of disconnect between us. It’s the connection that tells me intuitively that he IS still there. The connection I feel is merely physical. I must also have an intuitive connection. You know, the one that tells you your son or daughter is still alive when they have been missing for years? THAT connection.

I have that connection with Joey. It’s a spiritual/intuitive connection. WHY is this connection missing with this new baby and HOW do I get it? Will it come when he is in my arms? It needs to come now because he needs to be born. He needs to feel that connection from me and I think he needs to feel it before he will come into this physical world. So how does one create such a connection in such a short period of time? I don’t know, but that’s what I am working on over these next few days.