It was so surreal tonight. The Goosebumps and chills I got from the exercise we did together were amazing and welcomed. It was the ultimate bonding experience…at least for me. Tonight, I played the same music I listened to while I was relaxing in the bathtub while pregnant with you.

I wanted to see if you remembered the music. One song in particular, by Enya. I would breath very specifically with this song, Deora Ar Mo ChroĆ­. I would rub my belly and think happy thoughts. I blogged about it here but tonight, you were outside my body. Outside my body for the last 7.5 months.

My body yearned to place you next to my belly. I placed you in between my legs and held you close to me while we listened to the song together. You were quiet but you wanted to eat the iPad. I rubbed your back and rubbed your legs, hoping you would remember this feeling from inside the womb. As I did this, I began to have Goosebumps.

My mind was brought back to the warm baths we used to take with long minutes bonding with each other; talking with each other spiritually. I did not feel you speaking to me like I used to but it was quite amazing. I was sending energy to you as you remained in my lap. You were peaceful and not fussy.

I don’t know if you remembered this music at all. I tried hard to hum it onto your body so you could feel it reverberate within you. You loved the attention and the hugs. It was definitely healing for me. At one moment, I felt a complete release. It was as if my body and soul FINALLY recognized you. It was so weird but amazing. It’s really indescribable.

– Breaking the silence of First Trimester Miscarriage