My midwife turned to me and said, “I’m sorry Elizabeth, I no longer see a heartbeat.” We both knew what that meant. She was gentle and empathetic. It looked like this pained her too. That was comforting. I tried to comprehend what was taking place. There were no tears, not yet. Just questions and acceptance…
Category: first trimester miscarriage
Miscarriage Series – The Beginning
My cycles are very long. I used to not have cycles at all but Timmy somehow made my PCOS disappear and I became fertile six months after his birth. It took me nearly a year to decide I wanted another baby. After all, I swore Timmy would be my last. In fact, I was so…
Miscarriage Series – Another Goodbye
As I lie on the couch, completely exhausted and numb from the days events, I feel stinging on the side of my face. The stinging runs down my face and onto my cheek. It hurts. It feels like my face is being burned deep into my skin. I reach across my face and wipe the tears…
Dear Kaiser Permanente: You are Contributing to our Healthcare Crisis
It’s 4pm on Wednesday afternoon, May 6th. My 23 month old is restless in my arms as he awakes from a nap. We both fell asleep in his rocking chair that rainy afternoon. Sleeping with him is a rare treat. We both stretch and make our way down the hall to greet big brother who had…
Dear Doctor: What I Wish You Knew About Progesterone Supplementation
Dear Doctor (Part 1), I heard you say, “You haven’t had enough miscarriages yet,” to warrant the progesterone supplementation my body and baby needs. How much heartache must I endure to receive what we already know is lacking? Why must you make this issue so difficult and painful? All it takes is a push of…
The Blighted Ovum: Baby or Not?
I have been asked this question a few times. “When it comes to a blighted ovum, is it a baby or not? I was told I shouldn’t grieve the loss because it wasn’t really a baby, it had no soul.” This can be quite controversial but no matter what you believe, this loss is very…
To Kiss and Untell
You kiss a guy and then run around and tell everyone that you kissed him. That “hot” guy that you had been hoping to go out with. The guy you had hoped would notice you and he did. You are absolutely giddy with excitement over where that might lead you two. As you are sharing…
Announcing an early pregnancy
Many women are hesitant to announce their pregnancy early. Some wait until a blood test confirms. Others wait until they see a heartbeat. Some wait until they are twelve weeks and beyond but why? Isn’t a line a line? Doesn’t pregnant mean pregnant? Here is an early pregnancy test. It was taken 11 days after…
Mobile Phone Miscarriage App
1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy loss. Most losses occur in the first trimester. Women are often given a set of discharge papers that explains what the physical changes her body may go through but usually nothing more. Rarely does the information contain all her options, including how to bond with her tiny baby or if they…
Response to Nationwide Insurance Superbowl Commercial
Dear Nationwide Insurance, I tried to see your commercial as a way to bring awareness and prevention to accidental deaths. I tried not to be fearful of the hurt that this commercial would bring to so many families. I tried to push aside my own personal loss and the feelings surrounding it to see some…