This is a loss mother. Can you believe it? This tiny hummingbird is a loss mother. She herself, is about the size of a 12-week fetus (aka baby). The egg which contained her baby, was the size of a kidney bean or an 8-week embryo (aka baby). Here she is, sitting on her nest. The…
Category: grief
Miscarriage Series – The Reason
“Everything happens for a reason.” “God saved you from an unhealthy baby.” “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.” “You wouldn’t want a child with a disability.” These are all “excuses” we were given recently regarding why this miscarriage happened. It’s sad really. While I generally take the side of “there is a reason for everything,” it’s…
Miscarriage Series – 2 weeks
It’s been two weeks since we found out you were gone. Two weeks since that fateful day in the ultrasound room. I almost can’t believe how fast the time has gone by. It even seems as if some family and friends think I should be done grieving at this point. So few still check on…
Miscarriage Series – The Commendation Ceremony
I wasn’t sure what a Naming and Commendation Ceremony really was. After Ruby died, we were encouraged to celebrate her life and name her. We didn’t have an official ceremony but we named her. I had been to a commendation ceremony before for some clients but I wasn’t sure what ours would be like considering…
Miscarriage Series – The Burial
My brother is here this morning. He arrived unexpectedly two days before but it was a very welcome visit. He even stayed an extra day which made things so wonderful. We talked a lot and the best part was we just took up where we left off as if we had seen each other yesterday….
Miscarriage Series – Day 8
There is this feeling you get when you become pregnant. It’s a warm feeling. It’s a feeling only a woman can experience. It’s life within you. There is a life within your womb that has been created and can only be sustained and nourished by your body. It brings a feeling of joy and love….
Miscarriage Series – Day 7
It’s been one week since we learned you were gone. Today is not a good day, not because of the one week anniversary, just because I am extremely tearful. Today, I woke up alone. Just as I walked into that exam room without my husband, so I walk today, without him. Yes, I had a…
Miscarriage Series – Day 6
Things I noticed today: I slept all night without having to go to the bathroom. My bloat is starting to go away (it just leaves my fat so I need to work on that now). I no longer have round ligament pain. My milk supply has completely returned to normal. I feel much better today…
Miscarriage Series – The Name
I have been thinking about what to name this child. This child must have a name. I felt Ruby was a girl from the beginning. We wanted that confirmed through testing but Kaiser messed all that up and discarded Ruby’s body like trash. It is imperative this doesn’t happen again. I want to follow this…
Dear Kaiser Permanente – Your Communication Sucks
Dear Kaiser, I can’t believe I am writing about this again. After all, I thought the support and communication we received during our miscarriage was much better than our experience in 2010 but today, I learned something that is so upsetting and affects more people than just me. So let’s start from the beginning. When…