It’s July 1st!  We are over half way through the year. Where is the time going?

I didn’t blog last week. Work had me consumed. It is getting frustrating to be getting home so late and I continue to work on a way to be home for my son. He starts school in August and I look forward to being home when he gets off the bus. He loves it…still, and I know that won’t last much longer. He is growing up so fast.

Over the next two weeks, Joey will be in Oklahoma. He flew on the plane all by himself yesterday. I always worry, despite the fact that he has made this trip many times over the last few years, even at the young age of 5! He never ceases to amaze me. He can be such an adult sometimes.

I am still teetering on whether or not to have another baby. We tried for 5 months last year and part of this year with no results. I haven’t ovulated since I stopped the fertility medications. If I just ovulated, we could try whenever we wanted but I don’t, which is sad and hard to deal with especially when friends seem to get pregnant out of the blue.

Should we or shouldn’t we? Joey is almost 9. What’s the point?

Adoption? What age? Baby? Toddler? Someone close to Joey’s age?

I have been trying to listen hard to what God is calling me to do. I believe that if I was meant to have another child, He would bless me with ovulation. That hasn’t happened…but am I supposed to take medication to help with that? Is that what he is calling me to do?

Ugh! Why can’t it just be as easy as having sex?

What would Ruby want me to do? I cried during Mass last week. A little girl walked passed me and there was something about her that made me think about all the life experiences I would be missing out on by not having a daughter. The biggest? Her wedding day. Sounds so silly but I will not experience that kind of bonding.

Sure, Joey will get married but that’s not the same. I look forward to his wedding day. He talks about getting married and having lots of kids all the time and I can’t wait to live that life with him but I won’t have that with a daughter.

Is there anyone else out there in the same situation as me? Nearly 37, one child who is older, with infertility, preferably Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)? I would love to walk this journey with someone else in my situation.

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