This was a poem I submitted for publication in an online magazine. It was not chosen for publication so I am sharing it here. This was something I wrote following a friend stating she was sad for me because I was not working full-time as a police officer.
Don’t be sad for me, because I am going to be okay,
I lost my baby two years ago but my life has changed in a beautiful way.
I had dreams and aspirations to be a police officer for many, many years,
But now I find myself wanting to stay home with my family which has released so many fears.
I never thought I would find myself here, in this special club,
Of those who’ve lost a precious child, someone they dearly loved.
No one seeks to enter this club but so many often do,
For many different reasons but most of us with no clue.
No clues are found nor did life-saving measures take place,
And those who don’t even know us will see the grief across our face.
No words can truly comfort us from the pain we severely feel,
And all they seem to say to help is that only time will heal.
I think of my daughter every day but the tears no longer flow,
And through my loss I wrote a book to help other women grow.
I hope and pray that women will find the peace they need,
To get through the deep, deep sadness and the never-ending grief.
I can’t take this pain away, though I will surely try,
To help you through the most difficult time you will ever experience in your life.
You will make it through these days but you’ll spend a lot of time in bed,
Especially when the world tells you the life you’re grieving was better off dead.
No one could prepare me for what I would feel or how much I would cry,
Even though I read many books on miscarriage and stillbirth before my baby died.
You see, I was a doula, who helped women through their births,
And I studied long and hard about pregnancy, labor, and birth.
But I only experienced an infant loss one time in my career,
And I never in the world thought that I would be living on this frontier.
I have so many life experiences that have brought me where I am today,
And now I can help women in a very different way.
So as you stop and think about where your life is going,
And you feel the tears will never, ever stop flowing.
There are hidden blessings behind those tears you will someday grow to know,
And some will be revealed to you through this devastating low.
Because you see, for years I dreamed to become a police officer,
But as my days approached to work as one, I found myself with another offer.
To focus on my family and be a better wife and mother,
And though it’s different from the career I wanted, that career now makes me shudder.
So don’t be sad for me because my road has taken a different turn,
I am very happy where I am because I have simply learned.
That our lives change dramatically when we lose a child,
And eventually we’ll find our bearings and learn our life was restyled.