Well, I have made it past the 24 week mark. I prayed and prayed to make it that far but does it really mean things are safer? I ask this question all the time. I am actually 27 weeks 3 days now. I feel my baby all day long which is great but I still have the fear that something bad will happen.
My feelings were validated the other night at prenatal yoga. One of my classmates has had a loss before and we were all talking about our fears for the week. The first was…it is finally becoming real. Weird huh? Considering we are both over 27 weeks. The belly is big, it’s getting harder to do things, lots of movement, etc. Anyhow, she also mentioned that in addition to it feeling real, she is also waiting for that ball to drop.
I know exactly how she feels. I too wonder if something bad will happen. It’s only natural to feel this way after a loss. I have had to stay away from many of my loss boards because of this. It’s easy to read stories about early losses but then there are the losses that are much later in the pregnancy and it just makes me worry that I will experience a late loss as well. A cord accident, uterine infection, premature labor. Ugh! The fear never seems to end.
While there is much fear, there is a growing excitement as well. This is so real. The baby’s room has a crib and dresser in it. It’s painted. We are decorating it which is so much fun. Joey is super excited, often grabbing my belly, rubbing it, talking to his sibling, and telling me that “it’s getting HUGE!” I also love that he says I don’t look fat. He is such a great kid!
I tell Jason daily that I can’t believe we are at this point and that I can’t believe we are doing this again. It is such a wonderful journey and I feel like I am taking better care of myself this pregnancy as well as soaking up every bit of it. I know that once I get to the last month or so, I will probably wish it were over but as of right now, each day is blessing. Each day my baby grows stronger, I grow stronger, and we both nourish each other. There is definitely a bond now. One that I thought was missing for months.
I love this baby and I can’t wait to meet him. 🙂