You have sat at my table for almost 27 months. You have been a part of my daily routine since my son was born. There were times I hated you, times I loved you, times I cried over you, times I needed you, times I resented you and I will never forget the time when I…
Category: Emotions
The Urge
WARNING: SEXUALLY PERSONAL (TMI) There is this intense urge that I experience every few months. Most women experience this urge once a month but as stated in previous posts, I do not have regular cycles. No one told me I would experience this. It’s not something I have read about in books either and of course,…
Miscarriage Series – Don’t Think We Didn’t Notice
After a pregnancy loss, it’s almost impossible to ignore the pregnancy announcements. We usually have many pregnant friends or friends having babies and we see their birth announcements, first smile, videos of when they first roll over, etc. Many of us who love hearing about their pregnancies despite how hard it might be. I remember this…
Miscarriage Series – Final Thoughts
Looking back, I wonder if this pregnancy was doomed from the beginning. Nearly every step of the way there was an obstacle. I learned I was pregnant on a Friday morning. I was only about 10 or 11 days past ovulation but I was excited to test. I didn’t feel pregnant at all but who…
When the Bereavement Doula Needs a Bereavement Doula
What is it like when a bereavement doula needs a bereavement doula? The night before my scheduled ultrasound, I began to panic. Over the last few days, I had become overly concerned with going to this appointment alone. All of my other appointments, up until then, I had the support of my husband and children with…
Miscarriage Series – The Reason
“Everything happens for a reason.” “God saved you from an unhealthy baby.” “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.” “You wouldn’t want a child with a disability.” These are all “excuses” we were given recently regarding why this miscarriage happened. It’s sad really. While I generally take the side of “there is a reason for everything,” it’s…
Miscarriage Series – 2 weeks
It’s been two weeks since we found out you were gone. Two weeks since that fateful day in the ultrasound room. I almost can’t believe how fast the time has gone by. It even seems as if some family and friends think I should be done grieving at this point. So few still check on…
Miscarriage Series – Day 8
There is this feeling you get when you become pregnant. It’s a warm feeling. It’s a feeling only a woman can experience. It’s life within you. There is a life within your womb that has been created and can only be sustained and nourished by your body. It brings a feeling of joy and love….
Miscarriage Series – Day 7
It’s been one week since we learned you were gone. Today is not a good day, not because of the one week anniversary, just because I am extremely tearful. Today, I woke up alone. Just as I walked into that exam room without my husband, so I walk today, without him. Yes, I had a…
Miscarriage Series – Day 6
Things I noticed today: I slept all night without having to go to the bathroom. My bloat is starting to go away (it just leaves my fat so I need to work on that now). I no longer have round ligament pain. My milk supply has completely returned to normal. I feel much better today…