Tomorrow is October 1st and the trees are turning in Colorado. October marks the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. October 15th is the national day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. This year, I will be participating in Carly Marie’s Project Heal – Capture Your Grief. (#captureyourgrief). So, for each day of the month, I will…
Category: Emotions
The annual Walk to Remember
On September 28, 2013, we attended the annual Walk to Remember. This has become our annual memorial remembrance for Ruby Josephine. I dreaded the early morning wake up and rush out the door but I really wanted to attend. There was a moment where I felt like backing out but I am so glad we…
When to seek therapy for thoughts on my rainbow baby?
Well, I did nothing today for my bereavement journey and I broke down and cried when putting Timmy down for the night. Hormones? Long day? Being tired because I got such little sleep last night? I don’t know but maybe it’s time to talk with my therapist again. At the very least, I would like…
Sleepy Prince
It’s late and you are very tired. After feeding you, I lay you in your crib after kissing you so softly on the forehead. I am doing what “good” parents are supposed to do by putting you in your crib awake. This is supposed to give you skills to fall asleep on your own. You…
Music
I can still hear it. The music I used to listen to that reminded me of you. I downloaded it to my iPod and would plug in my ear phones to become lost in imagining your face, your smell, your smile. Held, by Natalie Grant. I have blogged about that song a few times. It…
Random thoughts on losing a child
I spent much of today thinking about this bereavement doula journey I am on. I have been surrounded by stories of miscarriage and infant loss much of today and it’s draining so much out of me. I just want to sit and cry for all the parents who have lost a child. It doesn’t matter…
These horrible random thoughts!
Dear Timmy, On vacation, I continue to have these random thoughts of you being dead. I hate these thoughts. I don’t feel like there is any reason to be having these thoughts but they enter my mind at odd times and I can’t stop them. For instance, while changing your diaper and putting your nightgown…
He’s Here!
So we had our little boy on his due date. It was quite a journey and still is right now but for those waiting for the birth story, here it is! My water broke spontaneously while I was lying in bed at 6:15am on 6/5. I felt the POP and the baby jump at the same time. I…
Labor Block
I was having a conversation over texts with my doula. It was about how I haven’t had this baby yet. Currently, I am 39 weeks and have never been pregnant this long before. How weird considering I haven’t made it to my due date yet. People at work are beginning to wonder. LOL. Anyway, the…
Ruby’s Stump
Dear Ruby, Your tree is now a stump. I am so disappointed. I don’t know how this happened but we suspect the new dog ate your tree and is now nibbling on the stump. I checked on your tree just 2 days ago before the snow. I was worried it had died over the winter and was desperately hoping…