There is this feeling you get when you become pregnant. It’s a warm feeling. It’s a feeling only a woman can experience. It’s life within you. There is a life within your womb that has been created and can only be sustained and nourished by your body. It brings a feeling of joy and love….
Category: first trimester miscarriage
Miscarriage Series – Day 7
It’s been one week since we learned you were gone. Today is not a good day, not because of the one week anniversary, just because I am extremely tearful. Today, I woke up alone. Just as I walked into that exam room without my husband, so I walk today, without him. Yes, I had a…
Miscarriage Series – Day 6
Things I noticed today: I slept all night without having to go to the bathroom. My bloat is starting to go away (it just leaves my fat so I need to work on that now). I no longer have round ligament pain. My milk supply has completely returned to normal. I feel much better today…
Miscarriage Series – The Name
I have been thinking about what to name this child. This child must have a name. I felt Ruby was a girl from the beginning. We wanted that confirmed through testing but Kaiser messed all that up and discarded Ruby’s body like trash. It is imperative this doesn’t happen again. I want to follow this…
Dear Kaiser Permanente – Your Communication Sucks
Dear Kaiser, I can’t believe I am writing about this again. After all, I thought the support and communication we received during our miscarriage was much better than our experience in 2010 but today, I learned something that is so upsetting and affects more people than just me. So let’s start from the beginning. When…
Miscarriage Series – Day 5
Groggy, dizzy, and fatigued. That’s how I feel today. I thought I would feel better but I feel way worse. My heart rate is in the upper 30’s and 40’s. My blood pressure doesn’t register on the blood pressure monitor I have. That tells me it’s very low. I hope I don’t have to go…
Miscarriage Series – Birth Day
I have very mixed feelings today. On one hand, I am happy that the baby will be born today. I will be able to start moving forward. It feels like the last four days we have been in suspension, just waiting for this child to come. I do have second thoughts, wondering why this baby…
Miscarriage Series – Day 4
It’s Mother’s Day. I spent the night dreaming about my baby and how this baby will be born. I kept imagining this baby in a saline jar all chopped up into pieces surrounded by thick, bright red blood. I imagined taking this baby to the funeral home and feeling judged about the baby being in…
Miscarriage Series – Day 3
I wake very early on this Saturday morning. My husband is working today and his retreat from the bed wakes me. I feel I cannot sleep there without him. I toss and turn a few times to no avail. I see flashes of light coming through our bedroom windows followed by the sweet rumbling of…
Miscarriage Series – Day 2
I made breakfast, noting that I didn’t feel like continuing with my morning ritual of two glasses of water. Why would I drink two glasses straight away this morning? There is no one inside me who will benefit from this sustenance. I notice that my upper back hurts. “It’s probably my kidneys,” I think to…